reason.cck.org.uk

It is worth saying to begin with that anything that the church puts forward as their viewpoint is not because they have got together and held a democratic vote on the subject, but is because it is revealed in a higher standard, The Bible, which Christians believe to be the word of God (For more see article How do we know the Bible is the word of God? [Coming soon]).

I would like to make it very clear to begin with, that God created sex, and is absolutely delighted with that. Because of this He wrote a whole book about sex and intimacy within the Bible called the Song of Songs. Over past generations it would be fair to say that, on occasion, the church has been too silent on this wonderful joy for all married couples, which has allowed society to take over and cause us to learn about it only from reading various magazines.

Lust as Adultery

Masturbation is not referred to directly in the Bible as a sin, although do not stop reading at this point. The main principle that needs to be considered if you are either married or unmarried is, does it cause you to lust after women/men other than your spouse (N.B. Not your girlfriend or boyfriend)? Jesus makes it very clear that if you have lusted in your heart it is as good as having committed adultery (Matt 5:28). Jesus treats lust very seriously indeed, when you consider committing adultery is one of the ten commandments (Exodus 20:14) that God gave to Moses.

The reality is that masturbation should only be performed within a marriage by a husband and wife (Song of Songs 2:3, 2:6, 4:12) for the mutual benefit of bringing one another closer together, not as an option for being selfish. If it is being done outside of this context then 99.9% of the time it is going to be a sin because it is likely to stem from checking out some guy or girl you think is ‘hot’ and storing the image for later, watching pornography, or doing it with someone that you are messing around with, or even in a serious relationship with.

Yes, technically speaking, you might be able to masturbate while not lusting, like thinking about a piece of chewing gum, or a nice meadow, but not many of us find that very arousing, and if you do … be very worried indeed!

Reap what you sow

In the Bible it says that we will reap what we sow (Gal 6:6-8), and if we spend large portions of our single life masturbating over pornography, (or with multiple men or women) then consider for yourself what seed you are sowing. You are ‘sowing’ into your mind that one person is not enough (by looking at multiple naked bodies), selfishness (Sex is actually about serving the other person in marriage), and without being too graphic, you are more likely to be rubbish in bed as a man (I can’t speak for women!), because you will be used to reaching orgasm very quickly and fail to lovingly satisfy your wife. Hardly, a recipe for a successful marriage, whether you are a Christian or not.

Ask yourself whether these things are really what you want to ‘reap’ in your life?

On the other hand, living a life which is in tune with God’s plan will help you to reap other things such as self-control, sacrificial love and a godly desire for one man or woman, which, even if you are single at the moment, can serve you very well preparing you for married life. A society that lives successfully in this way will feel many social and economic benefits, which is very much a benefit that the UK needs more than ever.

God’s plan – Marriage

As I mentioned earlier God is totally for sex, within its appropriate context, and this is ultimately what God has given sexual desire for. This is not because God is trying to ruin our fun, but because like a loving father he cares about us and does not want us to get hurt by giving ourselves away to other people who we then break up with.

When we become sexually involved with someone, a significant bond is formed between the two people and this is exactly what God designed. However, when we break up with lots of casual partners (outside of marriage), we go through a lot of pain as these bonds are broken, and can be very badly emotionally hurt, which can lead to major personal insecurities.

The other alternative is that you break these bonds with people so often like a prostitute that you become completely desensitized to the actual joy of sex as a loving fact, and it becomes merely just another biological function like going to the toilet. What a huge tragedy when sex is reduced to such a purpose.

God wants to give us a context where we can explore one another sexually in a ‘covenant’ relationship, where there is security that we will be together for life. It is in this relationship that there is complete liberty and freedom, not in multiple partners.

(For more on marriage please check out http://reason.cck.org.uk/tag/relationships/)

Living a Pure Life – Jesus

One of the best things about this subject is we have an example of a man who went through all of these things too. Jesus Christ was tempted in every way, but was without sin (Hebrews 4:15). This seems somewhat shocking to say if you have never considered it, but Jesus was tempted to masturbate. Yes, really. Jesus despite being in very nature God (Philippians 2:6), was also fully man (Philippians 2:8). Through Jesus we learn that temptation is not the same as sin, and also that it is possible to live a pure life with freedom in this particular area, by the power of the personal work of the Holy Spirit.

Forgiveness

This can be an area which many people spend far too much time living in guilt over, and whether you are a non-Christian or a Christian, this is not God’s plan. If you are struggling in this particular area, then please remember that it is the devil’s plan for you to live in this place, (John 10:10), whereas Jesus wants you to live life to the full.

Let’s be clear about this: I don’t mean just glossing over the issue. I mean coming to Jesus and confessing your sin to him. I would strongly recommend speaking to another Christian about it to help keeping you accountable about this issue (James 5:16), and help you by the power of the Holy Spirit to change.

If you are not yet a Christian and recognise the problems that this habit can cause, then I would encourage you to first give your life to Jesus Christ, who alone gives you a completely brand new life (2 Corinthians 5:17). You can come to him just as you are, and he will change you. Don’t try and become a more moral person first and then think you have earned the right to being a Christian. It’s a free gift, and God is not impressed with your moral attempts at self-help. Come to the one who gives clean water to drink and stop drinking the toilet water that promises to satisfy but never can.

For more on this subject please check out Mark Driscoll’s very frank e-booklet:

http://relit.org/porn_again_christian/

Sometimes Christians have built a reputation for being legalistic and full of rules and regulations. When I came to know Jesus for myself I was delighted to read in John 10:10 ‘ I have come to give life in all its fullness’. It’s important that when we consider how God esteems sex it is through the lens of a loving father, not some sort of bearded toga-wearing kill-joy!

So what do we know about what God thinks of sex? Well, the first thing  worth saying is that God invented sex. He created it as a wonderful enjoyment for us to engage in, but in its proper context. We see this very wonderfully spelled out for us in a book in the Old Testament called Song of Songs. This is essentially a very sensual and romantic book between a man (King Solomon) and his wife. The fact that this is included in the Bible is a very strong endorsement of sex as a wonderful gift to be used in the context of marriage.

So, why the big deal?

Throughout the Old Testament and New, people were constantly exchanging the real God for material things (See Romans 1:26-27) only to realise that they did not satisfy. When we give sex this place in our lives, it becomes very destructive with marriages, families, finance and health being burnt up in its path. Sex is actually not just something for our own enjoyment, but is about serving the other person in the relationship. Imagine how some of these areas, currently a major problem in our society, would be impacted if we waited until marriage

• Decrease in unwanted Pregnancies.

• Fewer cases of Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

• Fewer Single parents left to struggle on their own.

God’s purpose for sex

God wants us to be able to enjoy sex freely but within the bounds of biblical marriage, and even …….. wait for it …… considers it WORSHIP to Him! There are several reasons for this. Ultimately, Marriage between one man and one woman is about demonstrating Jesus’ amazing passionate love and commitment to his people (his bride, the Church, see Ephesians 5:21-31 for more on this) and fruitfully growing this ‘people’ in number. When we understand this it totally revolutionises our attitude to sex. It no longer becomes about merely self-gratification but about a picture of eternity.

Jesus doesn’t flirt with his people, he makes covenant promises with them so that they can enjoy a relationship with him in the security of total commitment. As Christians we are called to imitate Jesus, so all sexual intimacy is to be enjoyed in this context. God cares for us and does not want us to get hurt, so it’s his plan that we save ourselves and then enjoy sex for intimacy and also for pro-creation, so that we too may be fruitful and multiply in number (Genesis 1:28).

At this point I want to make it clear that waiting until marriage to have sex is not an optional extra, extra-marital sexual relationships are clearly condemned as being sinful and an offence to God ( Hebrews 13:4, 1 Cor 5:1, Eph 5:3, Jude 7 etc). It provides yet another barrier to relationship with him.

An unforgivable sin?

For those of you who are wondering at this point what you should do if you have already engaged in sexual activity with someone, I have good news. Once you are a Christian, You are a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come! (2 Cor 5:17). You can be forgiven by God, and start again with a fresh start. You may not be able to be a virgin again, but you can know total freedom from the guilt that you may well feel and you have a brand new start, to live life to the full as Jesus promises. The Bible emphatically declares in Romans 8:1 ‘Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus! If you feel dirty right now, accept Christ and he will cleanse you from all unrighteousness ( 1 John 1:8-9).

This is a very common question asked among Christians. The Bible does not actually have anything to say specifically on the subject of girlfriends/boyfriends. However, there are several principles that we can apply to this life question.

 Purpose and Authority
 
Firstly, we must ask the question what is the ultimate purpose of ‘going out’ with someone? The Bible unequivocally states that it is good for us to have sexual desire for the opposite sex, it’s something that God invented (See the article on the Christian’s attitude to Sex). But like every good thing given by God it must be put in its proper context, and not become the ultimate thing in and of itself.

Although not everyone will get married in a lifetime, the vast majority of Christians will. This is good and commended by the Bible as the rightful place for intimacy, in a secure covenant relationship with one another. So if marriage that glorifies God is the end result what should we look for?

The Bible does say that we should not yoke ourselves together with people who are non-Christians (2 Cor 6:14-18) and again, we see similar instruction given to believers who are widowed (1 Cor 7:39). Ultimately, if Jesus is Lord of your life you will give authority to him to speak into every area of your life because it says so in his word, and he knows best.

Imagine how strange you would think I was by saying ‘ Yeah, I’m a Christian, I spend time with God every day, read the Bible, go to church, have a Christian spouse but I do rather enjoy stealing’. You can’t choose what areas you submit to God in, because you feel like it in some areas not others. That isn’t part of the deal. Your relationship with God was bought at a high price, the death of God’s only Son.

Illustration
 
As well as loving God for ourselves we have been called by God to share our faith with others so they may too be saved (Matt 28:19-20). One of the supreme purposes of marriage is that God has chosen to paint a picture of his relationship with his people (the church) through marriage (Eph 5:21-33). In verse 21 it says submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. How can you both do this unless you both revere Jesus as Lord in your lives?

 I have spoken to Christians in the past who have made excuses such as ‘But, he respects my faith’ , ‘ We’re not sleeping together’, ‘We both love each other’ and ‘ If God didn’t want us to be together he would have stopped us’. The reality is that God allows us to choose him or not, he allows us to cultivate a relationship with someone that is wrong. Part of the dignity of being a human is we get to choose.

I once heard it said that if you are stood on a chair it is much easier for the person to pull you off the chair, than for you to pull them up onto it. It is not easy to lead someone to Christ. In fact I would say that 99% of my friends who have gone out with someone who was a non-Christian have been dragged away from God through gradual compromise in their life.

Once you have compromised in going out with a non-believer, even with the best of intentions it is very easy to end up compromising on sexual experiences. At least when there are two of you with an agreed goal you can help to support one another, whereas fighting on your own you are very likely to slip up, which will lead to you feeling guilty, and can eat up at your intimacy with God. This can also impact going to church, and seeing your Christian friends.

If we ignore these things then there are consequences to us ignoring God. We can end up missing out on God’s plans for our life. Ananias and Saphira were a couple dealt with very severely by God for lying to the Holy Spirit about what they would do with their money (Acts 5:1-11). When we became a Christian we offered our lives to God as worship to him (Romans 12:1), its so important to continue to do that even now.

Full life and Trust in the Lord
 
Ultimately, we need to remember that God is for us not against us (Rom 8:31), wants us to have life to the full (John 10:10) and has a plan for us to prosper our lives and not harm us (Jer 29:11-12). He is such a good God that he sent Jesus to die for our sin. If you can trust him with your salvation for eternity, why not also trust him your love life?

Though your feelings for the person are, no doubt, very strong, who knows best what is right for you? The All-Wise God who has been around forever or you? I know that I dare not trust my own judgement over God’s on such important matters. He is faithful to give good gifts to those who he has saved.

I would recommend talking this through with a Christian who you trust as you are likely to have some big decisions to make with implications. Don’t try and deal with this all on your own, Christian life is to be in done in community.